My Doc tells me of some other drugs including chemo. I am thinking how much can my poor body take. I dont take any of the technical information in.....I just want my mammy I want someone to come and take this pain away its like being in a bad dream....
The Doc makes arrangements for me to have my organs scanned to see if the cancer's spread again there is a wait there is always a wait......
Just after walking out of the Doc's office I experience a feeling of enormous peace and acceptance that the cancer is here it aint going yet. It has to live around me not me live around it.
What I had been doing is living from one chemo to the next hoping that I can get back to normal in periods of remission. There is no getting back to normal. I have to learn to live with it even through the bad times there is no putting my life on hold anymore for when I feel better.
Life goes on and I will be playing it to the full whether I feel shitty or not.....life is too short and I don' know how much longer I have. I have to find a way of normalising this cancer.....
My daughter and I finally get away from the hospital and decide to go for a pizza. I hadn't eaten all day and I feel like writing to Pizza Express sharing with them what a comfort a "four seasons" pizza and a bottle of chardonany has been in all of my three diagnoses.
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