Why do hospitals leave you waiting that long for results I suppose they need to be checked thoroughly and it was over Christmas I was doing a loop de loop with anxiety I was so sure my number was up .As the cancer had returned surely it must be in my organs must it not??? My mind tried to help me by throwing up scenarios such as the doc got the diagnosis wrong to being laid out in my coffin.
I fantasised being laid out in my flamenco dress that I wore at a Christmas Flamenco evening I had been taking lessons for three months Afterwards I had to laugh as i could hardly get in to it when i was alive never mind in death There would have to have been a lot of bone crushing!!!
We all tried to put a brave face on over Christmas but it was excruciating My sister cooked a great lunch but somehow I was just not hungry.... some of her friends came round and we did our best to play trivial Pursuits but as nobody including myself was mentioning the relapse it was like having a huge elephant in the room..... really difficult times for me and my family
I was due back in hospital on the 28th December for the results and on the 27th I was going to meet a friend for coffee when I noticed a bus coming round the corner I was so racked with the pain of anxiety i very fleetingly considered throwing myself under the wheels.
That would have been a disaster as after a very short wait on the 28th I was told that my organs were clear of cancer I remember holding on to the Doctor's white coat as my legs gave way with relief I felt I had been handed my life back.
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